I have a confession to make… You might think because I blog about food issues, sing and write music and am some sort of theological body builder that I’ve got it all together. God knows I do my best to make it seem that way.
The truth is I’m a long way from perfect. When it comes to food… I eat frozen dinners and fast food more than I really care for anyone to know about. I don’t get all of my food from local farmers who grow their food organically. Heck the AeroGarden is the most gardening we have going on at our house right now.
When it comes to theology… well, I know too much for my own good (see my song I Can’t Hear The Stars based on a story from RLP). I have opinions on pretty much everything. I can even make some persuasive and convincing arguments. The truth is though, I don’t know half as much as I usually think I know. My wife taught me that. Even the things I feel pretty certain about are subject to change. It’s not that I don’t believe anything, just that I try to recognize the limits of what I know.
Whenever I play music, I get a lot of warm fuzzies from people. I get asked when I’m making a CD (well, I finally am). I have a degree in Music so I’d like to think I have some talent at least. The other day I heard a clip from Okkervil River playing at SXSW and started feeling bad about my music. Those guys who play music for a living are working their asses off (the ones not getting wasted anyway). They craft songs that make me depressed about my musical ability.
I’m really not sure how good my music is. I’m sure it doesn’t suck as much as half the people on myspace, but that doesn’t make me johnny cash. The thing is recording in the studio doesn’t get me all that excited. I love playing for people. Friends have mentioned that my music is best enjoyed live. The scary thing about that is there are no second takes. Nobody can pitch shift a wrong note. So this CD I’m recording is going to have imperfections and blemishes. A music critic could probably rip it to pieces, but the point for me is experiencing a moment with other people. So I’m just going to put it out there.
The reason I believe in eating more ethically is the same reason I profess to be a pacifist… I need to be. I know that I, like everyone, can be violent… with my words and if pushed with my fists. We need the idea of perfection to move us forward. We also need to know that progress can be made. I talk about eating ethically, being more faithful to God and putting my music out there as much because it is who I want to be as who I actually am.